Ask about your partner’s love languages: “Would you rather me buy you a small, surprise gift or write you a love note?” Figure out whether there are certain gestures they don’t like: “How do you feel about PDA? Does that make you feel loved or annoyed?” “Is there anything I can do to show you that you’re loved, cared for, and appreciated?” is another great question you can ask.
If they tell you that you’re great in this area, ask them what’s working: “What do I do that makes you feel super appreciated?” If not, ask them to give you ideas for the future: “What could I do to get better? Would a simple ‘Thank you’ do the trick, or do you need more?”
As follow-up questions, ask, “What do you think is working?” and “What do you think we can improve?” Use their answers to strengthen your relationship.
“What’s something stressing you out these days? How can I make it better for you?” “Remember how I used to take your car in to get cleaned every month? How would you feel about me doing that for you again?”
“Is there something we do that makes you feel great about our relationship? I know you love doing errands together on Sundays. ” “If I’m really busy and I only have a couple free hours to spend on our relationship, what would you want me to focus on?”
“Have you ever really loved something that I’ve done, but you didn’t say so at the time? You can take time to think about it. ” “What’s a time you remember when we were super happy together? How can I make you feel that way again?” “What can I do to improve the quality of our relationship?”
Talk about solutions: “I get that sometimes, my high standards stress you out. If I promise to be more patient with you, would that help the situation?” Look for ways to be even better together: “I bet if I could open up to you more, we’d have even stronger intimacy and mutual comfort. What do you think?”
“What if we committed to a romantic date night every month where we really go all out?” “I’d love it if going forward, we always made a big deal out of anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. What do you think?”
Make a plan for the future: “Should we schedule regular times to talk through things, so nothing gets swept under the rug?” Talk about potential areas of weakness: “We do a great job chatting about some things, but are we talking about sexual needs and desires enough?”
“I feel like you might have a higher sexual drive than I do. I want us both to be fulfilled. Should we get help from a sex therapist?” “What have you been craving in our sex life lately? Is there anything I can do that would make you feel amazing?”
“Remember when you used to want to start your own business? Do you still want to do that? If so, I’d love to support you there. ” “Who do you want to be in 5 years? How can I help you get there?”
“What’s your dream relationship, and are we heading there? I know you love adventuring, so do you want that to be a bigger focus for us?” “I remember you saying that you wanted a family and a serious relationship. Do you feel like we’re working towards that?”
“I sometimes get so worried about your ex. Can we talk about them a little bit?” “I hear you when you say that my mom makes you feel insecure. How can I make that better for you?”
“I noticed last week that you got quiet after I suggested you get more organized. Did that upset you? If it did, I want to talk about it. ” “Is there anything that I do that makes you feel misunderstood or under-appreciated? I promise I won’t get mad. I just want to understand. ” “Are you feeling something that you’re not expressing to me?”
“I know we’ve had a tough year. How are you feeling about how we’ve gotten through it? Do you think we should talk to a professional?” “Obviously this move has been so difficult for both of us. Is there something I can do to make this more manageable for you?” “Are there things that have hurt you in the past that we haven’t talked about yet?”
Make sure your partner knows that they should be honest: “If you’re ever shouldering most of the housework, will you promise to tell me?” “Okay, so it sounds like you’re burnt out right now. What do you think—would it help if I handled the school run this week?”
